The winning spree came to its inevitable end today, as the Mariners hitters were casually defanged by the splendorously mulleted Jered “Jared” Weaver*. It was a fairly unsurprising outcome. The Mariners hitters are bad. Jered Weaver is good. Jered Weaver pitched well, and the Mariners hit poorly. The Mariners are bad. The Angels are good. The Angerls played well, and the Mariners played poorly. The Mariners lost to the Angels. So goes the circle of life.
What can be said about this game that hasn’t been said a million times already? Nothing. Absolutely nothing new and interesting can be said. Fortunately, “new” and “interesting” are goals I gave up on long ago. So I’m sure I’ll find something to say. For example, did you know that this was the 111th game the Mariners played this year? That’s a special number, because it has three digits and all the digits are the same. I think when you see a number like that you’re supposed to make a wish and the wish will come true. My guess is that the Mariners, in a stubborn, masochistic attempt to prove that ACTUALLY they’re doing just fine and are totally happy with their circumstances and don’t need any of your pity THANK you very much, wished for things to be just as they already were. It’s actually kind of noble. It’s also why the Mariners are losers, and why they forever will be losers.
This Mariners game does remind me of something very important: sometimes (most times, actually) it’s easier to just give up. I could try to keep writing about this game, but what’s the point? This game sucked. What, do you actually want to spend a lot of time thinking about this game? No? That’s what I thought. So I’m just gonna go ahead and give up. It’s the mature thing to do.
*Jered Weaver’s name is spelled incorrectly because he has an older brother named Jeffrey and his parents thought it would be cute if their names both had the same two initial letters.
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