I believe the phrase I’m looking for here is “gruesome encore”. Hilarious joke, guys. Yeah, I did notice that this was the exact same game as yesterday. What do you expect me to do? Laugh? Newsflash: it wasn’t funny the first time, either. Why must I be subjected to this horrible repetition? Why? I guess this wasn’t a game for the fans. Fundamentally, there are two types of jokes: jokes meant to amuse the audience, and jokes meant to amuse the teller. This game was the latter. Thanks, Mariners. Nothing makes me happier about being a fan than when you use me as a tool for your amusement. It’s been an honor.
Today’s game featured a number of events. How many? I dunno, man. A few. Three of the events were run-scoring sacrifice flies, which doesn’t indicate anything beyond the fact that even when things happened they happened in the most boring way possible. What else? I guess Doug Fister wasn’t very good. He only had one strikeout in 7.2 innings, which might be worrisome if not for the fact that he’s Doug Fister, and he doesn’t get very many strikeouts even in the best of circumstances. These things happen some of the times. Based on the available evidence, I predict that Doug Fister will continue to deliver Doug Fister-esque performances in the future.
I would go on, but it’s obvious the Mariners aren’t even trying, so why should I? It’s not like there’s really anything else to say about this game. Maybe the next game will be better. Maybe the next game will give me something new and interesting to write about. I doubt it, though. Unfortunately, the Mariners are still the ones playing all of the Mariners' games, and that’s not going to change any time soon. Only 93 more games to go. Weeeeeeeeeeee.
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