June 28, 2011: Mariners 4, Braves 5 (39-41)

In a surprise that could only be described as “Shyamalanesque”, the Seattle Mariners lost a baseball game on Tuesday. The team may have thought that it was being “clever”, ending the game in an unexpected way, but the fans saw right through it. The game’s climax turned out to be boring, clichéd, and predictable, the kind of thing that everyone had already seen a million times before. It was one hundred percent unoriginal. The oldest trick in the book. Puerile. Banal. Jejune. It was only surprising in that nobody thought that the Mariners would be lame enough to end it that way again, after it had already been done so, so many times before. But end it that way they did. That’s just how it is with the Mariners. It’s always been like this. The real surprise is that 100,000 people let themselves think that this time it might be different.

Time for some serious analysis. The optimist might say that today the Mariners offense played well, and just got unlucky. That the Mariners offense is showing signs of life, and today was a hint of better times ahead. The person who is interested in being correct might say that today’s Mariners game was just one of eighty that have been played this year, and thus is at best 1/80th of meaningful. That the Mariners offense has been awful, is awful, and will continue to be awful. Try to guess which side I think is right.

The Mariners continue to play the baseball. Wednesday afternoon, they again face off against the Braves, because travel is expensive and they might as well play a few while they’re here. The game will be just about as meaningful as the rest of them, so the way I see it there are two options: 1. Do something more useful with your time, such as determining which brand of cereal has the highest calories to dollars ratio, or 2. Pour your heart into the game, root root root for the home team, and try your damndest to let the outcome have a real effect on your emotional health. Either way is fine. I don’t judge.